Telling Scum They’re Scum

I had a rather odd situation when I was visiting family and friends at the end of July. Every year my hometown, Dufftown, throws the Dufftown Highland Games which usually culminates with various pipe bands playing in the centre of the town. I was there as usual watching my two cousins who are part of the band, drum past.

I had to search through the crowd to find my parents who were speaking to a couple of people I had never met before. Turns out one of them was my step-dad’s old flat mate just a guy everyone knew about town and the rather obnoxious loud-mouth woman was his girlfriend, fiancee or wife (I didn’t give a shit enough to care about their relationship).

It took me a matter of seconds to realize the woman in question was what I would describe as ‘low-life Barbie’. The Barbie doll that Matel would never dare make, it isn’t scummy enough to make one dolled up like this cow.

She was overly orange with fake tan (something Scottish women seem to have down to a fine art), had what I can only describe as obvious fake Chanel sunglasses and spoke constantly about wanting to move out of her 4 bedroom house because it was just too big - ‘who needs the room?’ she would state. Best of all, she had one of those chalkboard Glaswegian accents which the majority of people outside of Glasgow hate with a passion.

Right, so that’s her. She’s standing with my parents and now me, describing her overly big 4 bedroom house and stating how much my mum must meet her daughter Alisha (apparently spelt with a lovely dollop of spit after her name). At one point my mum mentions the name Alisha or something similar and this makes her go ultra high-pitched with the question ‘who’s called Alisha?!?!?’ as if it’s a miracle to find another Alisha.

For a split second my mum and me make it away from her only to find she’s waddled over to join us at our new spot. A few seconds pass when suddenly she brings out a silver/chrome bullet looking thing. It had a grid-like opening at one end with a little twist dial on the side. It was no bigger than the nasal inhalers you get to unblock your nose. My mind didn’t actually click what it was until she proclaimed ‘fuck, it’s empty’ or something along those typically Glaswegian vocabulary filled sentences.

It was a cocaine inhaler, a fucking cocaine inhaler. This is a big deal for me to see this, I’m very unconnected to the world of drugs. I don’t know which nicknames match which drug. Weed, pot, speed, crack, they all pretty mean ‘some drug’ to me. That wasn’t the problem here though, the big problem was it was roughly 5/6pm during the pipe band parade where families were watching the pipe band go by. What kind of useless piece of shit does that? What kind of low-life wanker is that stupid?

I questioned her: What’s that?

She responded snarkily with: You’re too young to know. (kinda backs up my point about her being scum to do it around young children)

To which I responded: So you’re scum then?

Her: Huh?

Me: You’re scum then?

Her: *points at toe* No it’s for my…

Me: *turns and walks away*

I wasn’t going to stand around and listen to some bullshit about how it was for medical reasons. Not only that but she wasn’t even being serious about the medical reasons, she was saying it purely for humour purposes as she knew fine well what she was doing.

My mum and step-dad were then left with her frantically apologizing to them both saying she was really sorry for upsetting me. She even reverted to the excuse of being a busy mum and that this was her only break in months, which obviously means ‘LETS DO FUCKING COKE!!!!’ in her head.

My point is, don’t put up with people ruining their lives and being irresponsible around others. Tell them they’re dick heads, scumbags, tossers and whatever else comes to mind at the time. Tell them just how much you think they deserve to be in the back of a cop car. Then turn and walk away, such an up front statement followed by an even more obvious statement of removal of attachment really offends these people and they have no response. Obviously, make sure you haven’t handed them your business card before you do so, that may result in a few odd phone calls or letters in the mail.

WARNING: May not work in the USA where guns are rampant…